Colin Kaepernick isn\u2019t doing very well. In the past year, he was denied by all 32 NFL teams, dropped by Nike, and fired from his first coaching job at a high school in Minnesota.<\/p>\n
But it gets worse. The former quarterback has reportedly lost everything he once had and can\u2019t find any kind of job or endorsement. Things are so dire that he\u2019s \u201cstaying with friends.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s been on my couch for months,\u201d said former Forty-Niners Left Tackle Joe Barron, \u201cI wouldn\u2019t mind so much if he didn\u2019t watch so much Rick and Morty. It\u2019s just so dumb.\u201d<\/p>\n
Kaepernick also has issues with gluttony and has gained a lot of weight \u2014 with some help. \u201cThere\u2019s a girl at Burger King that loves him,\u201d said Barron, \u201cSo she just gives him whatever she wants and pays for it herself.\u201d<\/p>\n
Barron isn\u2019t the only teammate Kaepernick has been freeloading from, either. While the others have asked that we don\u2019t include their names in our fiction, they were very outspoken about his bad habits.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy wife is tired of him leaving the toilet seat up and forgetting to lock the patio door. He spends more time staring off into space while smoking weed than anyone I know.\u201d Another pal said, \u201cHe keeps taking my weed because he says the patio he has access to is boring without it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Just imagine, patriots. This all started because he felt the need to disrespect the troops. Somehow. God Bless America.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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