Being ghosted after a date can be brutal

Getting ghosted is often not a nice feeling, but the good news is that it’s actually not your fault.

I know what you’re thinking: “It must be my fault… a little bit?”

But according to a dating expert, it’s something that you shouldn’t worry about, as it’s usually got nothing to do with you.

Even if you think you embarrassed yourself on the first date by dropping spaghetti all over your t-shirt or by accidentally snorting while you were laughing – there is no need to worry.

However, it does seem that experts in the field do look at ghosting slightly differently.

What is ghosting?

Being ghosted can be rough. (Getty Stock Images)

Ghosting is when you get rejected without any closure or acknowledgement. The worst bit is that it usually comes out of nowhere.

“The more time people have spent with each other—and the more emotionally intimate the connection, the more likely it is that ghosting will be mentally and emotionally harmful to the ghosted person,” Carla Marie Manly, a clinical psychologist in the US, told Men’s Health.

“Ghosting is an unhealthy and disrespectful behaviour.

“Unless a person presents a threat of some kind, it’s inappropriate not to communicate that you’re not interested in moving forward.”

Why ghosting has nothing to do with you

Online dating has made it even easier to ghost someone. (Getty Stock Images)

Now, according to the author of new study ‘Ghosting: Social rejection without explanation, but not without care’, the dating trend was ‘only further exacerbated due to the COVID-19 pandemic‘.

YeJin Park notes that ghosting became easier when ‘most communications moved online’.

He explained to PsyPost that their findings in the study are best explained by using the words of American author Adam Grant: “Ghosting isn’t always due to a lack of care. It’s often a misguided effort to avoid hurting someone.

“Many people stop replying to shield others from pain.

“They don’t realise being ignored is usually worse than being rejected.

“Candour stings briefly. Silence leaves an open wound.”

In other words, they are trying not to hurt your feelings, but end up doing so regardless.

What to do when you are being ghosted

Don’t take it personally. (Getty Stock Images)

Sex educator Lorrae Bradbury says that it’s ok to be upset but it’s not ok to think that there’s no one better out there for you.

“Ghosting is usually a clear indication that they are unwilling or unable to give you the closure you’re seeking,” Bradbury explained.

“Perhaps they don’t know the answers themselves, or can’t communicate their feelings properly. Either way, you’re unlikely to get a straight response.

“[I]t’s best to chalk it up to incompatibility and know that a better match is out there for you.”